I woke up that day with a cloud of uncertainity hovering around my head.I didn't know where my life was carrying me.All I wanted to do was to travel,travel and travel and learn,learn and learn.From the time travel bug hit me when I was 11,all I had done (whether it was topping the school,learning rench,german,classical dance)was with the motive of becoming a traveller(and a damn good one too!) It felt like chasing a fairytale in this world of practical and scientific bums.Nothing was sure except one thing that morning-the ultimatum of the wretched doctor"Pack Up.She has only few hours left to live.Call your relatives and friends."
Still feeling sleepy ,I walked like a drunkard downstairs where my aunt and sister were weeping.My insides squirmed with a strange feeling."It couldn't be, it couldn't be..." And yet, it was: after an hour ,in the morning of 19th January 2012, I finally saw the place where I didn't wanted to be.My entire world was shattered to pieces when I saw the dead body of my "Amma", my grandmother lying lifeless near the main door of my house.I used to think that sentimental drama was only for good-for-nothing gossip shows.But that day, I saw the hedious face of the place that I don't want ever to be in -the place called Death...
Some nutter was playing a spiritual song somewhere,which was rising and ebbing over the heart wrenching cries of my family members.Yet , no one could do anything: she was gone, simply gone.I touched her hands ,her face,I kissed her cheeks, begged her to get up and scold me for something ,for anything.I held her close, still she did not respond.She did not shower me with barrels of blessings like she used to. My heart wanted to burst out and die to end all that I was feeling.At last, when I couldn't bear to look at the place where my grandma lay,I ran for my life . I ran from the clutches of the monster of death that was chasing me and ended up hiding in my "stinking bathroom".
I leaned over a bucket in the bathroom to support my lame walk, and cried like horses. And voila! Someone slapped me like a dog in my drunken revelry - "Oi!!! She is not in there anymore. What were you searching for? It's just the still body of the lady you loved ; not the person herself , you dumbhead!!" Oh man, spiritual oldies does knock some sense into your head sometimes.So ,I got up and smiled shamelessly thinking about the place where my "grandma" lay.Maybe even I was one of those oldies enjoying my vacation in this body until the monster came and lay me on the same place where grandma lay now.
The memory of that freaky place spills like sand from my tightly clutched fists. The only thing I remember vividly is that I travelled more that day than I have travelled all my life: I travelled back in time ,was thrust pathetically into that deathly present and groped in my mind to see what lay ahead for me in future. All I was thinking that time was, "Whatever they told me was necessary for a swashbuckling life :money ,degrees,reputation,rational thoughts- all has gone in a pit ,a foul smelling pit. I am throwing this damn "HOGWASH" into the cubicle right now!! Au revoir! Ciao! Bye-bye! I am here to like madmen my dreams of travelling the world, to live my fairytale and to have fun like a jackass.I will die with the satisfaction of having lived my dreams..."And on seeing my grandma lying on the place where I would also lie someday, I thought "Only love matters in the end, man - only love matters."
V Sharma
